out as long as they were in

out as long as they were in

6.28.2018

I was pregnant for 33 weeks and the twins are now 33 weeks old. What!

Because I got so big, so fast - carrying two babies at the time - it felt like I was pregnant forever. But looking back on it now, I feel like the pregnancy flew by. I cannot believe the twins will be ONE in just a few short months.

I'm going to say something potentially controversial - I didn't like being pregnant. It was fine and I was grateful to have minimal complications despite being high risk. But I didn't feel like a goddess or extra womanly or energized by creating life. Being pregnant felt like the necessary means to have a child (or children) of our own.

I'm not really sure why it's controversial to dislike being pregnant. It's like this big secret. But I think it's ok. I connected much more with my babies once they were on the outside (and home from the NICU). Despite growing them inside me, I felt quite detached from the process. When I saw ultrasound photos, it's was nearly impossible to imagine them inside me.

Of course I felt them moving which was cool but also often uncomfortable. And I feel so lucky that we were able to have kiddos that share our genes as I know many long for this. But I think it's important to be honest about our experiences.

I'm proud of what my body accomplished but I'm ready to get back in shape. I don't want the fact that I carried twins to be an excuse for saggy skin and separated abs. I want to be a strong mom who can lift her 17lb babies without grunting.

I'm ready to put the pregnancy and the trauma behind me. I have two healthy, happy, thriving babies who need a strong, healthy, happy mama.

There's approximately 931 weeks left until they are 18. 

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latest edition of things not to say to twin moms

latest edition of things not to say to twin moms

6.27.2018

I had so much fun putting together this list for the SF Moms Blog compiled entirely from things I've actually heard!

What funny things have people said to you while pregnant or as a new mom?

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Finding out we were having twins

Finding out we were having twins

6.11.2018

When I got pregnant somewhat unexpectedly, that news alone was shocking. But then to find out we were having twins…there were really no words.

We decided to tell our families that we were pregnant last year on Mother’s Day when I was about eight weeks along. My sister jokingly said, “What if it’s twins?!” and I brushed it off thinking, That would be a massive belly. Twins came up again in conversation at dinner with my husband’s grandmother, but again, we really thought nothing of it.

Read the full story here!

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Happy Birthday Reese & Rowan!

Happy Birthday Reese & Rowan!

1.19.2018

I always knew that there was a chance the twins would come early. Many of the twin families we'd met had delivered early and in fact, there was a point where I was utterly paranoid that the twins would arrive too early.

When I was admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor at 28 weeks, I was sure it would be downhill from there. Luckily the twins stayed put, the contractions never progressed and we were discharged 36 hours later. 

So on Sunday, November 5, at 33 weeks and 4 days, I was going about the day like it was any other. In fact, I was focused on supporting my sweet friend who was actually in labor. We joked about having our kids on the same day and I hoped for a smooth and safe arrival of her little one. 

Around 5pm, I had just put some bread in the oven when my water broke. I was in shock. It was not a trickle like they tell you in the classes. It was a full on gush like they show in the movies. Craig and I were kind of just laughing at the hilarity of the situation. Luckily we already had bags packed due to the scare at 28 weeks. I called the OB triage line and they said to head to the hospital since I was high risk with twins. Also, once your water breaks, you risk infection. I assumed that once we got to the hospital, they'd pump me full of antibiotics and I'd be on hospital bedrest for as long as possible to let the twins grow a little more. 

We were familiar with OB triage due to our last visit so that made things a little less scary. I was checked out, tests were run, and then they admitted me to labor and delivery. At this point, I thought I'd be hanging out in the hospital for several days. I wasn't in labor at all. 

About 15 minutes after arriving in the room, the on call OB came in looking quite sullen. She calmly informed me that I had severe preeclampsia and that I would be having an emergency c-section immediately. I was originally scheduled for a c-section at 38 weeks on December 6 so I was aware of what would happen with the c-section. However, I was wholly unprepared for 5 nurses to rush in and immediately get me prepped. I was extremely overwhelmed and scared. I remember clutching my chest because I felt like I couldn't breathe since I was trying to hold back the tears. 

I was wheeled down to the OR where I climbed up on the operating table to get the epidural. A sweet nurse helped hold my shoulders steady since I was shaking. Craig had to wait outside until everything was prepped. It was honestly way scarier than I anticipated. I've never had surgery before and this is major abdominal surgery. I was so uncomfortable and my upper body wouldn't stop shaking. Everyone was really reassuring but I was so out of it. 

Craig was brought in just as they started to make the incision. I was so scared that I would feel it. The whole thing happened really quickly. Reese was Baby A so she came out first - she was only 3lb 15oz. I think I heard her cry and they they brought her over to me and we got a moment to see her. I snuggled my face next to hers while the anesthesiologist took a photo for us. Rowan was Baby B and came out second a minute later - he was 4lb 8oz. I don't remember if he cried and we didn't get to see him. I just remember the anesthesiologist saying "here's your daughter, she's out, she looks great and here's your son, he looks great, everything is going really well....they are going to stitch you up now and you might feel some pressure..." 

I barely remember Craig sitting near my head. I thought I would be so emotional and cry when I saw them but I didn't. It was an out of body experience. When I think back on it, I don't feel like I "delivered" the twins. It's a little freaky. I just wanted the whole thing to be over with as fast as possible.

Once the surgery was over, Craig went with the twins to the NICU and I was wheeled into OB recovery. I was all alone with just a sweet nurse who kept checking on my pain and to see if the epidural had worn off. I remember going in and out of sleep. I think I was there for a few hours before they wheeled my whole bed into the NICU to see the twins. 

They placed each baby in my arms and it was so hard to see them. They both had CPAP masks on and were connected to so many wires. I don't remember crying but I do remember feeling like these were not my babies. It was really hard and it's really hard to think back and write about it. They were so tiny and fragile. There were SO many machines and everyone was looking at me and talking at me. It's definitely not how I envisioned meeting our sweet babies.

After that I was wheeled to the postpartum recovery room. I don't remember a lot of the next few hours because I was on magnesium sulfate for the preeclampsia. I was poked and prodded a lot. I remember having to have my blood drawn over and over again which was horrible because I didn't have many spots left. 

Craig was amazing. He took such good care of me and also made sure to check on the twins in the NICU as much as possible. I knew it was important to make sure we did skin-to-skin as soon as possible and I felt really anxious about getting down there to see them. But that wasn't possible until I could stand and get into a wheelchair which wasn't until about 36 hours later. The first attempt went really poorly and I almost passed out.  

As soon as I was off the magnesium sulfate and felt slightly more normal, I was able to climb into a wheelchair which felt like it took an eternity. Craig took me down to the NICU and I got to see and hold the twins for the first time. It was really really really hard. I kept trying to keep it together but just writing this is making me tear up. I still didn't feel like they were our babies. 

We stayed in the hospital for a few more days. I managed to walk myself down to the NICU a little faster with each trip. Then I would just sit next to their beds and hold them constantly feeling torn and wondering if I was giving each baby enough attention. 

While I would never wish for anyone to have babies in the NICU, we were grateful to have great nurses who took such good care of our preemies. Modern medicine is amazing. It's scary to think about my body rejecting the babies and what could have happened if we hadn't gone to the hospital when we did. 

Going home 2 weeks later! 

Now, over 10 weeks later, Reese and Rowan are thriving! They are over 9lbs each and becoming so much more aware and engaged. They finally feel like our babies (especially because Rowan looks just like baby Craig). 

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the third trimester

the third trimester

12.20.2017

Today is the twins due date! So here's a little look back on my third trimester.

It seemed like everything changed the minute I woke up on the first day of my 3rd trimester. Basically, the blissful 2nd trimester was long gone and everything, literally everything was infinitely harder. Walking was harder. Getting out of bed was harder. Getting dressed was harder. Overnight, everything just got SO difficult.

Just after a great prenatal massage. Little did I know this would be my last "belly pic". 

I hate for this to sound whiny or ungrateful but being pregnant with twins is NO joke. At 32 weeks I was already measuring 40 weeks and by the end I had gained about 42 lbs.

I should have celebrated my last full night of sleep because during the third trimester I was up to pee every 90 minutes.

I was SO swollen. I mean I knew pregnant women experience swelling but this was a new level. I could basically only wear sneakers because none of my shoes fit.

At 28 weeks we spent 36 hours in the hospital for pre-term labor. That was not fun. The only upside was getting the inside scoop on what it would be like when we eventually delivered. Good news, the hospital food was actually pretty good!

Everyone would ask me if I was hungry all the time but it was the opposite for me. My stomach had NO room with those babies taking up all the space so I could basically only eat a few bites of food. Sometimes a big glass of water would fill me up.

For pretty much the whole time, Baby A (Reese) was head down super low which was of course so comfy (not!). Baby B (Rowan) was head up sitting on Reese's face and jamming his head into my ribs. Cool!

Because my pregnancy was considered high risk, I started having 2 doctors appointments each week - one with my OB and another for non-stress testing.

At 32 weeks, we decided to plan a last minute getaway to Napa to stay at our favorite inn. We obviously had no idea the twins would come the following weekend. It was such a nice trip and yes, I did taste some wine! We ate at the BEST Italian restaurant...ever. I can't wait to go back when I can actually eat more than 2 bites of food.

I'm horrifed by this photo. Do you see those ankle rolls!?

I feel a little guilty looking back because I complained a lot about wanting to be done being pregnant. We scheduled a c-section for December 6th because of the babies positions so I knew I wouldn't go longer than 38 weeks (their due date was 12/20). But at 32 weeks I was already SO over it. I was sick of being so massive, sick of people staring, sick of the questions, sick of being so uncomfortable. I'm obviously incredibly glad the twins arrived healthy and only needed a short NICU stay but I probably should have tried to "cook" them a little longer.

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the second trimester

the second trimester

10.08.2017

the bump. the pup. the grand canyon.

I've been using these Promptly journals to keep track of notes that I'll give to the twins one day and I realized that I didn't have a whole lot to write for the second trimester. We were SO busy during this period that it's honestly a bit of a blur.

• We packed up our place in Charlottesville and moved across the country.
• We set up shop in an Airbnb in San Francisco while feverishly searching for an apartment. 
• We found an apartment and signed a lease. 
• We fought with our movers to get our stuff delivered before Christmas. 
• We unpacked an entire apartment.
• We flew back to Connecticut.
• We survived the heat wave in SF.
• We flew back to Charlottesville
• We purchased living furniture. 
• We had ultrasounds and doctor's appointments.
• I flew to Austin for work. 
• We hired someone to build some Ikea furniture for the twins room. 
• We tried to make friends.
• We explored our new neighborhood.

...Oh and we worked 40+ hours/week while doing all this. Luckily, I felt good during this time and was mostly able to keep up with our insane schedule. I had a few emotional days especially when we were unpacking and just doing normal tasks became somewhat challenging. It's pretty frustrating to not be in control of what's happening to your body and I was annoyed that I had to ask Craig for help all the time.

Largely, the second trimester was uneventful from a pregnancy standpoint. I'm thankful that I was able to get so much accomplished and that I mostly felt good. We picked up the stroller and carseats as well as set up the twins room a bit and that definitely made it feel super real. We also got a surprise 4D ultrasound which was so freaky but also really cool. Seeing their faces like that made them seem less like little aliens in there.

Baby A - Girl

Baby B - Boy

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on fitness during pregnancy

on fitness during pregnancy

9.12.2017

Most of you also know that my "fitness journey" has been a bit interesting. When Craig and I first met, it was super involved in triathlons. (In fact, our first date was quite late, starting at maybe 8pm because he had a long bike ride scheduled for that night!) I swore I would never do a triathlon and yet one year later I had completed 5 triathlons, 2 half-marathons, and a 15k race. But then we moved to New Haven and that all came to a screeching halt for both of us. The weather wasn't conducive to working out outside and cycling in the area was horrendous. I did a bit of yoga in New Haven but honestly, my health took a turn for the worse during those two years.

For the past 18 months or so, I had been teaching Barre classes at the gym we belonged to in Charlottesville. I started going to Barre classes when we first moved to town and found out that the current teacher was going to be moving. I inquired about becoming certified to teach and it didn't end up being a tough process. I have LOVED teaching my Tuesday night ladies and it was bittersweet for me to say goodbye to them when we moved.

So my pre-pregnancy routine would be to teach 1-2 days/week and then TRY to get in some additional activity - a long walk/hike with Haven on the weekends, an at-home video, or yoga.

Within the first few weeks of this pregnancy, I could do nothing. It was a miracle that I actually was able to keep up with teaching because I had no energy. In fact, I cut WAY back on how much I participated in the class because I just physically couldn't. I also started showing super early as well and ended up telling my class that we were pregnant around 10 or 12 weeks.

When I did feel like I had energy, all I could muster was a long walk with Haven. The doctor recommended getting my heart rate up for at least 30 min/day and honestly, a brisk walk around the neighborhood did just that.

As soon as we arrived in San Francisco, I got on a real fitness kick. I think because I've been growing so quickly, I'm really motivated to stay active and keep up my strength. Obviously, we do a ton more walking here and with the hills, that is an intense workout (I'm basically wearing a 20lb weighted vest all the time). I've also been really into prenatal pilates as well as prenatal yoga. I've attended a few traditional Barre classes in the area but honestly, I just have to modify so much of the class already that it's not really worth it. I got into pilates a little bit in Charlottesville and I love that I found a studio that has prenatal specific classes. I'm still able to get a great workout while doing exercises that accommodate the tiny humans inside of me.

Prenatal yoga is also great. I'm not sore or achy yet but just taking some time to move, bend and stretch feels good. It's also a great way to meet people. In the 2 weeks that we've been living in San Francisco, I've already been to 8 classes and walked to each one! I'm hoping to stay really strong and fit as long as I can to help with the recovery on the other end.

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weird things people say when you're pregnant with twins | vol. 1

weird things people say when you're pregnant with twins | vol. 1

8.29.2017

I'd always heard that people make bizarre comments to pregnant women but I was wholly unprepared for the kind of comments I'd get with twins. (Not to mention the touching!) Here are some of the things people have said to me:

Are they natural?
I get that IVF and fertility treatments are much more widely discussed but do I really need to disclose to you how my babies were conceived? Is one better or worse than the other?

Do twins run in your family? Did you plan for twins? [See also: Are they natural?]
This is the more subtle version of "Are they natural?". Again, I understand that people are typically just surprised and they are making conversation but it honestly just feels kind of awkward to me. Also most sources out there say that twins are completely random. So if I say "yes" then do you want me to tell you how my aunt's sister's cousin had twins? And if I say "no" are you just going to assume we used fertility treatments (not that there is anything wrong with that). I usually just say "We were just as surprised as you!"

After telling people the genders (boy/girl)... Are they identical? 
I mean...

After telling people the genders (boy/girl)... That's so perfect!
Would it be less perfect if they were two boys or two girls? When you have a child, is there really a perfect gender?

Two at once! Now you can be done!
What if we wanted 15? What if we only wanted one? It's just awkward to comment on the number of children someone has or wants.

I always wanted twins!
Really? Because to be honest, I sobbed when we found out. Most days when I think about the thought of raising two babies at the same time, I become utterly paralyzed by fear. I'm thrilled and honored to be their mom but that doesn't mean I'm not overwhelmed and terrified. Also, growing twins is not kind to the body. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful but twins are scary!

At 24 weeks and I've already started to hear...
When are you due? / You must be due soon!
I would have thought you were further along!
How are two babies going to fit in there? 
You're not going to be able to get that much bigger!

Every belly is different. I've been to several prenatal classes and everyone looks completely different. At 24 weeks, there's over 2 lbs of baby in there already (as compared to only about 1 lb on average for a singleton birth) so OF COURSE I'm larger than your "average" singleton mamma. In fact, I'm extremely aware of the fact that I still have 14 weeks to go and already feel/look huge. I'm trying very hard to mentally prepare myself for the third trimester so your size comments are incredibly unhelpful.

PSA: The ONLY acceptable thing to say to ANY pregnant women is:

You look amazing! You are stunning! Wow, you are beautiful!

Stay tuned for Vol. 2 after the twins arrive!

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maternity favorites | 18 weeks

maternity favorites | 18 weeks

7.20.2017

Shortly after finding out that we were pregnant, I felt like I was already huge. At the time I just thought that maybe I was further along than I had originally thought. At 7 weeks, my jeans already didn't fit and anything around my waist, including leggings, was super uncomfortable. Little did I know that I was already feeling big because we were having twins! Needless to say, I've needed to make some clothing adjustments more quickly than most people with a singleton pregnancy. Now, at 18 weeks, I am measuring like someone who is 26(!) weeks pregnant.

While the hairband trick got me through a few weeks, it didn't last long. I caved and started wearing maternity jeans around 9 weeks. Below are some of the things I've been loving so far as I adapt to my changing body.

BASICS

There have been a few key items making this stage of pregnancy more comfortable. I love that all of these items aren't maternity specific and will definitely get a lot of use after the twins arrive.

>> Storq: I currently have the bra, leggings, and tank. While these basics fall on the slightly pricier side, they are SO worth it. None of the items scream maternity and they are supremely soft. I love that the tank is thick, study, and stretchy. I especially love that the leggings can be rolled down below the bump or pulled all the way up. The bar is perfect especially for the ever changing shape of the new "girls".

>> Old Navy: While I've been trying to limit my purchases from "fast fashion", I just couldn't pass up these luxe tees. They have the perfect drape and are super soft. I currently cannot tolerate any scratchy, itchy fabrics so softness is key. They wash up great, just make sure to line dry them. I picked up three in a small to accommodate what I know will be a massive bump as I move into the third trimester.

JEANS

Maternity jeans are both amazing and horrible. I've tried on several pairs and luckily found a few gems. I've much preferred with below bump band so far but who knows how long that will last. The GAP ones didn't work for me and Old Navy never carried a size below 16 (so weird?!).

>> Madewell Maternity Jeans: I'd heard Madewell did maternity jeans but was convinced I would never spend that much on jeans. However, I should have known I would love them because every other regular pair of jeans I own are from Madewell (mostly purchased on sale or secondhand). It was love at first try-on with these. They do sit very low so that can take some getting used to but I love that they have a regular button (but are pull-on!) so I can still do the "front-tuck" with my shirts.

>> Topshop Boyfriend Jeans: I stumbled on these when browsing Nordstrom and after having little luck with cheaper styles (under $50) I decided to pull the trigger. (Bonus: They went on sale 3 days later and Nordstrom gave me a credit!). These. are. amazing. They are super soft and have a great fit. They aren't too tight and have plenty of stretch. I'm so so happy to find a super comfy pair of jeans.

DRESSES

Typically, I'm not a dress person - jeans and tees all the way. However,  I've been loving dresses during this stage. I think it's so cute to see pregnant women in fitted tee dresses that really show off the bump. I'm also loving midi length dresses which I think look great in fitted styles, makes everything look a little less skimpy. I've scooped up several dresses from the non-maternity sections at places like GAP, Madewell, and JCrew. I love using Poshmark to browse for tee dresses (use code NXBIR for $5 off your first purchase).

ATHLEISURE

This trend really works in your favor when you're pregnant because you can essentially wear lounge/workout clothes and call it a put together outfit. And so many brands are making styles now to take you from gym to street.

>>Athleta: I picked up this pair of pants (yay for stretchy waistbands) and this skort recently. The pants are amazing because they are comfy, look more put together than sweatpants, but aren't as constricting as jeans (I'm wearing them now as I type this). The skort is great because again, stretchy, and also looks like you made an effort even though it's just like wearing shorts.

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